Challenges with Texting: Everyday, Efficient Communication Which May Cause Anxiety

Written by: Khushi Sibal, AMFT

Within our world today, face to face interactions are quickly limiting. Oftentimes utilizing

technologies and media has become the norm when speaking with colleagues, friends, and

family. In a world that is so dependent on efficient models of communication such as texting,

utilization of social media messaging, and other forms of technological communication. It is

important to ask ourselves, even if efficient technological communication is convenient, does it

cause us greater feelings of anxiety and tension when we don’t hear a response or when we are

trying to assess the tone of the response?

Being a clinician at Yes to Therapy, I often hear my clients discuss challenges with feelings of

abandonment which come from not seeing a response to a text or trying to understand the tone

which the text is coming from. Which further leads clients to challenges with cognitive

distortions.

What do these cognitive distortions look like?

1. Ruminating thoughts- these are thoughts which are negative in nature and often re-loop

within the find and are continuous.

For example, They didn’t respond to me, what does this mean? Does it mean that I am a bad

friend?

2. Jumping to conclusions (mind-reading)- oftentimes it could feel like that a single text may

cause one to feel that they can predict the future of a relationship or how someone feels about

them, when this may not be true.

For example, If they don’t respond to my text, they are saying that they don’t want to be my

friend any longer.

3. Using absolute statements: When there is a lack of response from someone, it may be

tempting to think of alternative actions which could have triggered a response.

For example, I should have said what I said differently, they got upset with the way I wrote the

text.

4. Mental filtering: Only focusing on negative self-talk which affirms the person’s current belief

system.

For example, I am really bad at texting and that is why no one responds to me or no one wants

to be friends with me.

How could we mitigate our cognitive distortions especially when it comes to communicating with

our loved ones and friends while using technology? It is important to remind ourselves that more

often than not there is no evidence for our cognitive distortions, instead these distortions are

preparing for reality which does not exist. Additionally, being aware that our cognitive distortions

may be arising is an important way of trying to understand them. Therefore noticing when these

cognitive distortions arise could be a helpful way to understand why they are coming up andwhat is causing them to be triggered. Therefore reflection could be a powerful tool which helps

us to understand why certain feelings of anxiety and tension may arise when we don’t receive a

text or find the tone to be unpleasant.

Here are some other steps which could help to relieve anxiety

1. Taking a break from your device: It is important to spend healthy time away from your

device as spending too much on the device could cause greater feelings of tension and

feeling occupied with thinking about the incident.

2. Utilizing “I” statements and clearly communicating feelings: It may be important to utilize

“I” statements directly with the person you are texting and explaining your feelings. This

is wonderful to use after you have reflected on your feelings. This allows you to have

autonomy over your feelings and properly communicate what came up for you when you

received the text.

For example: “Hi, I hope you are well. I wanted to share that when I read your text last

week I felt (insert emotion) about the situation and wanted to ask if there were any

emotions or feelings that came up for you that I should be aware of.

3. Understanding that digital messaging does not allow much emotional expression: It is

significantly important to remind ourselves that text communication often doesn't allow

space for emotional expression and being able to read tone. Therefore relying on over

reading words and punctuation marks can trigger maladaptive cognitive distortions.

4. Noticing Patterns of Overthinking and Overanalyzing: If you are finding that you are

continuing to over read the text message, email, ect. multiple times in a day or if you are

searching for the meaning of the response through the internet, it may be important to

establish some boundaries with your phone. It could be helpful to set a time limit on your

messaging app and instead choose to spend time in a different activity such as going for

a walk, physical exercise, an art activity, practice gratitude by using a gratitude journal,

or other coping mechanisms which don’t involve using your phone/digital device.

The role of Anxiety with Digital Communication and Therapy

While there may be quick techniques and using coping mechanisms which could help

with distractions from digital communication, it is important to understand the underlying causes

of overthinking and overanalyzing text message communications. Therapy could be utilized to

help with maladaptive core beliefs and thinking patterns which may also be connected with

lower self-esteem and self-worth.

At Yes to Therapy, our team offers a dedicated and affirming space where both the client

and therapist can collaboratively discuss the origins of these thought patterns along with

difficulties with self-esteem and self-worth. Additionally therapy could also be a space to practice

effective communication methods which enable the use of “I” statements and expressing needs

and emotions. Weekly sessions can offer clients consistent care to help understand and reflect

on thinking patterns, build coping mechanisms, and process challenges with lower self-esteem.

In Conclusion

Utilizing digital communication is becoming the new normal over face to face

interactions. With the occurrence of regular digital communication, many individuals are

beginning to show anxiety and over analyzation of text message communications, emails, etc.

which often leads to cognitive distortions and miscommunication which could negatively impact

an individual's mental health, self-esteem, and ability to effectively express and communicate

emotions and feelings.

While practicing alternative coping mechanisms could be helpful, therapy services could

provide clients with the ability to understand underlying thought patterns and process challenges

with lower self-esteem and self-worth which could help clients with feeling more secure and

emotionally centered when communicating using digital devices.

To learn more about working with Khushi Sibal, visit our website www.yestotherapy.com and drop us a line!